failure

What is one to do when they feel like they completely and utterly failed at something that they thought they were ready to do? How dose one get over the feeling of failure.

I feel miserable and I’m not sure what to do Master says that it was out of my control and that its not my fault but i still feel it is

i feel i should have pushed myself and gone in anyways but i did not i did not even try

i feel like i should be punished and made to pay for not trying hard enough

Another assigned blog by Master.

My puppy is the light collard one the black and white one is a friend

So it took me a while to beg Master to allow me to get another puppy since we had to get rid of our two and i finally Managed to get him to say yes(although i do not believe i really gave him a choice lol. I was away for two weeks and had classes i was supposed to be taking and i ended up seeing a add on Craiglist for puppies that were free so before i even called Master to ask permission i was already on the phone with the lady finding out the details and what not.

Then after i got all the info i needed i called Master and literally begged him to give me this chance and let me get one and finally he said yes (i was so excited this was he when we first got him.

Such a little rascle



Its been almost 5-6 months since we got him and he has gotten to be so big and he is turning out to be a wonderful dog. He is very protective of me and Master which i think is a good thing

i have grown very fond of my puppy and he is a wonderful boy very affectionate and cuddly, also a bit of a bed hog, couch hog, and a floor hog lol and a cage stealer

we couldent get him to look at the camra


so that is my cute puppy Master let me ger

Master has asked me to write about what its like having a Master that i have to listen to at all times so my idea is that it makes things much easier, yet oh so difficult. The things that make it hard is the fact the i don't always think his decision is the best one, or that i think what hes asking me is totally digrodo

but there is many good things that come out of it i believe like it makes me content following orders, it makes me feel safe and secure and the feeling i get after i complete something i really did not want to do is incredible, and of course the whole bit when he says “Masters pleased” or “good girl” those are things i crave to hear. I am not 100% positive on why i crave those from besides the fact its one thing i never heard from my parents or any family member growing up

When he says those simple things it feels good and makes me want to do more things just so i can feel i did good or that he is happy with my behaviour. Also i try to do what ever he says usually so i never hear the words Master is disappointed in me or that I’m a bad girl those words in them self destroy me and make me miserable

all in all i think it is far better having a Master that is in control and that i have to listen to for it keeps me out of trouble in an tune with whats right and wrong, with out it I’m accustomed to getting into trouble or bad situations

Crying

I personally have a hard time crying and i always feel better after i do. When Master and i first got together i did not cry and i would not cry i just did not have it in me, but over the time Master has been working with me and helping me except the fact i need to cry sometimes and helps me reach that by impact play. I think that is part of the reason why i crave it so much its almost like crying is a drug for me like its a craving that i cant have all the time so i start to crave it and i cant seem to make myself cry so i am thankful i have Master to help me in that matter

Masters Control

Master likes to have control and His control is something that's important to me, I feel very off and out of sorts when he's nice and doesn't want me to do anything but sit here and do nothing or have free time . I want to feel his control over me. I lean on him for that control, it's something that i feel needs to be constant and all the time so when he backs off to give me some space and to let me rest or to cope with life issues, it drives me crazy. Absolutely bonkers lol

I know he means well, and I know he's doing what he thinks is best for me, AND he's probably even right to some extent, but it makes me cranky when I have to beg him to kiss me or shove me into a wall or even to spank me .lol some times i wish he would do it when he sees i need it

but know that i think of it , sometimes, it makes me appreciate him more, because when he steps back up after giving me some freedom for a while, it makes me clingier to him because I don't WANT that kind of freedom and i feel more content and happy with out it . Lol Maybe I’m weird heheh

Sorry everyone

I have been pretty busy in the last little bit and have not had a chance to chat much to you all so i wanted to apologize and let you all know i will be blogging more often and keeping you updated int hings that are going on and my progress and learning’s

good enough favorite song

"Good Enough"

Under your spell again.
I can't say no to you.
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
I can't breathe but I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough for you.

Drink up sweet decadence.
I can't say no to you,
And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
Can't believe that I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough.
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good.

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.
Pour real life down on me.
'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.
Am I good enough for you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me,
'cause I can't say no.

craving

Master has been training me and its been going good and i think i have been pleasing him. The issue is that i have been craving to be tested and what not. I have been craving to be put in awkward positions and what not and for my level of submission to be tested . Craving to be made to do them even if there hard and mentally challenging. The other day Master did this whole lady bits strengthening exercise with a butt-plug and what not and if i dropped it or moved my legs i would be punished. Thats the type of thing i have been craving

i hope Master will start doing that soon :D

i love him

I just wanted to tell you all that i have been extremely happy with how things have been going with Master and i . He has been training me and in the short slow progress i have seen the changes i have been making myself. I am very happy to say that i have been improving with my actions with him, and i believe its all thanks to him

I LOVE YOU MASTER

my i cock your socks :D

I have to admit i have my blond moments lol last night before Master went for a shower i started sucking his cock lol i love his smell and usually like to suck his cock when he has a lazy day at work and what not so i was doing that yesterday and he cut me off and went for his shower and i looked at him and pouted and said “i wasn't done yet” and he laughed and said i could later lol

so later in the evening Master was sitting on the bed and i basically attacked his cock with my mouth and he started moaning a little bit and goes and says are you not supposed to ask? I kinda panicked a little bit and replied you said i could cock your socks later....and he started laughing his ass of at me lol...what can i say i can be ditsy at times lol

sex well sleeping

All my life i have had a hard time with touch because of my childhood and it still affects me today but it has gotten easier since being with Master. When Master and i first got together i still felt uncomfortable with it but it has gotten a lot easier since being with Master.

In the beginning Master would never have been able to have sex with me well sleeping for it would have ended really badly in the past when i had ex bfs try it ended with me attacking them or completely breaking down

but the other day Master decided to try and i have to say it went wonderful i loved it and it felt so good...i cant wait till he dose it again

first night

Last night was the first night of staying in the living room and i hated it, it was cold, lonely and scary. I can not wait till im finally allowed back in Masters bed. I do admit that its weird and i appreciated when i crawled back into bed with him at 7 am this morning for cuddles before i went to work. God it felt good in his arms


last night when i was sleeping it was one of the most broken sleeps i have had in a long time, i woke up 3-4 times from just being uncomfortable and 2 times from nightmare flash backs . The first flashback i was quite happy for after i had just got my emotions under control Master came out to give me a hug and a kiss and told me he loved me and that kind of made it all the much easier to deal with

the second dream i was not so lucky tho i was on my own 100% for that one but i managed because of one of the alter personalities i have ended up coming out with me so i had that bit of extra support which was good...although in the beginning i thought i had failed cause i needed help but she mad me see that we are all one and we are in tiny peaces and that when just one of us is out were not whole

we just have a tiny part of us out and in order to cope with things it might be a good idea to be out with the important one thats best to handle the situation so that way its not exactilly running away its me facing it with the help of another part of me ....at least thats how i see it

as for this whole speech restriction bit i FUCKING hate it. It angers me i hate not being able to talk and say my opinion on what i think or believe...i think I'm going to end up having my ass beaten lol...i already have a meeting with the black paddle when i get of work....but than again i hope he forgets

Falure

Master has been wanting to train me but the first night he tried to make me sleep away from him I had a PTSD attack and did not know how to cope with it because for the longest time my way of copping with them has been cuddling up with him and hi holding me

Well that night I did not have him and I had a PTSD attack and crawled into bed with him after trying to cope with it on my own and failing…the next morning and a few days after Master and I discussed it and we talked about it and Master modified his training technique for me so it did not cause damage and that was 2 days ago

But during those 2 days I have been thinking more and more that I wish to really try to do this whole training bit and I am determent to do better then I did before

I want to be able to follow any and all of his orders just for the sake of obeying them and being able to just do as he says with out asking and I hope that if I’m able to complete this horribly hard task that I will be closer to my goal of doing as he says

I’m really hoping that after Master reads this that he will give me another chance to do this and that he will understand that WE are ready for his challenges and that we have decided that we will not let the fear of the past disrupt our dynamic

I hope he is not to horribly disappointed that I was not able to complete it the first time around and this time I know we will do better

Master has a mmagical penis

sex and masterbation

I absolutely love it when I ask Master permission to cum before bed and he says yes because hes to tired or just not in the mood , I love what he dose to me

When he is to tired Master will help me reach my orgasm by touching and rubbing me quite roughly the way I like it and he will sit there for as long as it takes to reach that wonder full feeling of bliss

I love the way he kisses me and bites me on the neck and goes down to my chest and bites my nipples hard enough to cause the air in my throat to catch, and for me to make a little moan of pain mixed with intense pleasure

I love it when he sits there and tells me im his little whore and asks me if im ready to cum for him and he puts his hand around my throat and squeezes just hard enough for me to lose my breath and have an earth shattering orgasm

And then he sometimes says good slave and kisses me and sends me to bed or on a good night Master will push me down to take his hard throbbing cock in my mouth and god do I love his taste and smell just that in its self makes me dripping wet and makes me prey he will tire of my mouth and actually want to take me completely and fully

To use me the way he wants even if I don’t get another release just feeling him inside me and knowing he is enjoying what I can do to him and knowing that im submitting to his will his dominance to his command

I love being his toy his slut his whore when it comes to him fucking me I can let the inner slut out and god can I be dirty at times :D and the more rough he is with me the more I submit to him and the more dominant he gets whispering “you belong to me slut” makes me almost cum im my panties, hell even thinking of him saying that makes me want to cum

Hehe just thinking of what Master dose to my body tee hee

Shrink days

I am a little nervous today cause I have another appointment with my shrink today im so afraid whats going to come out and how I will handle things today

I am very thankful Master is cutting out of work early to be there for me I really love him and I am thankful he is so supportive

Training

Maser is going to be starting actual training tonight and im nervous as hell I think I may have bitten of more then I can chew. I have been bugging Master for along time that I wanted to get better and that I wanted to be trained like a real slave….WELL I THINK I HAVE GOTTEN IT !!!!

I’m so nervous and not sure what to expect Master has gotten me to update my fetlife profile stating that I would be away for two weeks at least and would have very little computer time

Master has informed me that I will be on speech restriction 24/7 for during training and maybe longer and that I would have to earn everything from sitting on the furniture to sleeping in his bed

I know this is going to be hard but I will try my best to endure it and I will try to be allowed to go online every night so I may blog a bit about my adventure

Oh so nervous

thank god for good support

I have to say that sometimes I find that Master is my saviour for sometimes when bad things happen I am so thankful he is there for support and I am thankful that he is so good at it

Today I was supposed to get my son for about a week and it would have been the first time in a while that I would have gotten to see him but 20 minutes before we were going to leave to go pick him up the truck died and we were not able to go see him

I was devastated and could not stop crying I was so disappointed and I even started feeling like self harm but with Master around it never came to that he is just so helpful and wonderful

I just want to say I love him and I am happy to have him as my soul mate

favorite quote

Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater.Nicholas Evans


To me that quote means to go the distance and to never give up no matter what

slinkies

7 things

Master has asked me to pick 7 things that I believe describe me and to write about why I chose them
So this is it

“black rose bud” to me a black rose symbolizes death something no one ever wants , something that was looked down upon and never wanted , something that is dark and mysterious but if it was given the chance it could bloom into something beautiful and powerful

“Slave” it is just who I am. I get great joy I’m being a slave to my Master it is like my destiny, I am a submissive slave I surrender my freewill to the one I chose as Master

“Strong willed woman” I know what I want and I know how to obtain it. To me my submission makes me extremely strong willed and personally I believe more then most woman are. For I personally believe It takes great strength to give away everything I have and could be to another and have the faith that he will not use me or abuse me in the way I do not want


“Mother” I am a mom and I love my son more then life its self and I always strive to do what best for him even if it means making the hardest decisions in life I still make them because I love him

“I’m a Bitch” I am extremely hard to handle and very stubborn and I don’t back down and I’m very protective when I need to be and I can become a royal bitch if anything threatens my family

“Mentally special” I do not really see myself as having a disability I see my self as being special and unique I have something no one else has and I see it more so as a gift then a disability

“I’m his” I belong to him every part of me even the bad and ugly it still makes me his, my soul, heart, mind and body are his to do with as he pleases. I am special and with in my service to him I am his most precious possession I believe I am irreplaceable to him. I am his lover, his best friend, his student, his slave. So in the end I am His



I know that there is many different ways I could describe my self but this is the best way I can yes I know I could say im dominant, hard willed, stubborn, smart, cheeky, slutty, dumb and so many more but the ones that describe me the best are those that are above and I think that’s what really makes me Me and who I am

im going to murder Master and his cat

OOO its frustrating me....Master is trying to teach me to clean his way and its feels like its so much more time consuming lmao

hes a boob oh and i want to know ware his damn cat learned to pee in our sinks instead of going outside cause its cold...the cats a damn pussy, but than again it could be worse he could be peeing on my cloths and floor lol

loving Master

Trust is something i have always struggled with and i have never before been able to give my full trust to anyone. All my life i have always expected the worst and never ever put complete faith into anyone for fear that they would hurt me

i have always thought that people have alliterative motives to being kind and nice and what not but i have to say for the first time that has changed

for the last year i have said i trusted Master but in all honesty i have always been expecting the worst to happen but it has not , in the last little bit i have not been having the feeling that he is hiding anything and that he is true

and since i have stopped worrying about the things that could happen and been just worrying about the know i have to say im completely happy.

I have everything i want and i love him and trust him almost 100% every day the amount i trust him is raising and raising

i feel as if this is a new beginning with us and im so happy and these feelings i feel are the most amazing in the world

I love you Master and I'm so happy to be yours for ever and always, thank you for being everything you areL

Master book

Master has been working on a book the last little bit. He got the idea from Master Kuma to make a book with all his ideas towards being a Master and i personally think its a good idea

i think its cute sitting here watching him wright in it and make it all perfect he eve n dose little drawings of it and what not

i like to sit around him well hes writing in it most times that way i get to see some of his ideas because i'm not allowed to look at the book on my own for Master dose put stuff in there im not allowed to see and for if i looked threw it i would see all his play ideas and that would ruin it for us....well more so me

it would kill the excitement sand the feeling of not knowing and that would make it so it was not any fun

so in conclusion i like the book idea

love and hate pain

Love and hate

I think I hate pain no I know I do its horrible and it dose not feel good but I do not understand why I crave it so much

Its like I kind of go of the deep end if I have not had any sort of impact play I seem to lose my mind space and I don’t feel very submissive and the fact I don’t feel submissive makes me feel angry. When im angry and lose my submissive mind frame its not good


When I lose my mind frame I start misbehaving and not doing as im told and I start to forget to apply to the few protocols and rituals we do have and I start lacking on my everyday house work which in turn gets me into trouble which is not good

So today I was reading blogs and I came across a blog about Maintenance spanking and what the benefits of it is and what good it will do for me and in reality I think it has good points it will help to keep me focused, to help avoid Punishment spankings, to keep Us connected as Master and slave

So in conclusion I think I will address this with Master and see what he thinks of maintenance spankings, canings. whippings or floggings lol

Anything that will hurt lol

tears

For me i have always had a hard time crying i have always seen it as weak and thats one thing i never wish to be . I have been with Master and when we first got together i was not able to cry in front of him although now that i have formed a lot of trust with him i am finally able to cry

although i don't believe i can cry on my own yet I'm sure there will be a time that Master will have made me grow enough to do so but for know i need to be made to cry i like for him to be mean on occasions just so he can make me break and cry...i feel better after and i feel a terrific release of negative emotions when I'm made to cry

i also think i get a lot more out of it when im forced to cry but thats just me

pain release

Pain for me is a need something I don’t think im yet able to go with out I find that sometimes when I have nightmares I sometimes have a hard time of letting it go and letting the emotions go so sometimes ill ask Master for a spanking to help me with this need and he usually helps out to the best of his ability

I do have to say its not the best way to get over the dreams but its a lot better than the alternatives and with this its always safe for Master is the one in charge of it he knows my own limits better than my self

The reasons I need this is that many of my dreams feel so real and they make me a bit ashamed and its like I need to be punished for it to be forgiven

Maybe I’m just weird I dono but at least Master loves me for my weirdness

pain tolerence

I have noticed my pain tolerance is going down and it kind of bothers me before i got with Master i was with another who was a complete sadist ware as Master is not and i don't know i kind of wish i had more impact play

i crave for it to build up and get more intense and severe and to leave marks

i find that even tho i take as much pain as i possibly think i can i still at times don't feel its enough for there are no marks and i feel i have failed and that i have not done well enough

some times i wish Master would just be bean and beat me till im a blubbering mess and then take me in his arms and tell me that he loved me and was proud of me for taking that but i find that lately i just kind of feel bad

which is in return making it so i try to ether avoid it completely or that i try to get myself into trouble so he will actually lose his cool and actually leave ugly looking marks....but so far not so much


baaa sometimes my need for masochism sucks

Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes in there lifetime and to me all that matters is about how you recover from them. In our lifetime there is always a lot of mistakes we make and I believe it is important to make those mistakes for with out them we don’t learn

I myself have made my fare share of them and I’m sure that I will make a ton more in my life but the important part is I always jump back up and move forward

I just sometimes wish I could apologise for some of the mistakes I have made and make emends to the people I have hurt. Every one makes mistakes and those mistakes shape us into the people we are even though they hurt the ones around us

Right know I am having an issue with remembering some of the things I have done and for them I feel great horrible shame and regret and evry day that I live know I try to live to the best of my abilities, I know that wont make up for the things I have done but it will make it so my future is a hole lot brighter

v-day

Today was the first v-day I have ever enjoyed and it was thanks to my Master, he was so sweet when he came in today he brought a heart chocolate in with him it was really sweet of him…I really did not think he was going to do anything. I did not even think he would celebrate ii do have to t with his religion and all. But it was sweet non the less

Later in the evening Master decided to try a new tie on me and I enjoyed it a lot and then I fooled around with the camera and got some funny pictures of Master which im going to post and he will probably beat my ass for it when he sees it but its sooo worth it

oh so sereal

Hehe

i think he looks cute lmao
Anyways im going to post pictures of our tie and what not

PTSD

I went to the psychologist yesterday and Master is quite proud of how well I did yesterday and I’m actually surprised as well. I went into the office really worried and what not and scared shitless of what would be discovered in there but it was not as bad as I thought it would be

I went in there expecting the worst and was presently surprised with the results that I received and the way the doctor is going to treat my issues

He has decided that the main part he is worried about is my PTSD and that he wants to tackle that head on he believes if we get threw that issue that a lot of my other issues will become a lot easier to handle.

I went in there not wanting to be put on any meds for my issues and when I told the doctor that I was quite surprised with him…..he clamed he did not believe in giving medications to often and had no want to force me to but he suggested that I take one bit of medications to help me cope with my PTSD and that was it

I decided I preferred not to take the meds so I left with out it and I’m still quite happy with that fact . I’m not sure if I’m going to keep that decision but for know its good

ewww Master is rubbing of on me

It drives me absolutely bonkers when Master decides that it's time for meanie sadist time and traps me on the bed and makes me squeal over utterly grotesque crap! Like sticking his tongue in my ears and saying absolutely weird things and tickling me in places that should not be tickled!


Yet at the same time though, it's absolutely adorable. So it's one of those love-hate things. I love him for how absolutely weird and silly he is, and how he can be himself around me I just hate being the subject of his absolutely odd tortures! And even THAT'S not totally true, I love the way Master plays with me and I play back with him in the same matter and giggle and poke and prod like him


Ewww he’s rubbing of on me

disapline

I find that the topic of punishment has a bit of a knee-jerk reaction and personally i do not see why....i see all the Masters/slaves putting there noses in the air when punishment is brought up and it confuses me for i believe correction, punishment and discipline is all the same

for is discipline not for displeasing your Master and do you not get some sort of infraction for it be it just a verbal warning or a physical one...dose that not sound like a punishment to you? It sure dose to me

or correction for that matter is that not for doing something wrong, for not doing a task correct? And if you asked me that has a type of repercussion for it as well...they correct you and the behavior in some way be it by showing you, you having to do it over and over again...sounds like a punishment to me

so in the end i believe that all three things mean the exact thing ...punishment, discipline, correction meant the same thing

earning rights

Master has decided I must earn everything know for example like in the gor books a slave must earn her right to ware a casmik ware as Master has done the same thing to me. I must earn the right to ware cloths

I must earn the right to sleep in his bed, to eat on dishes, to use the bathroom., to be able to cum or even play with him and to be perfectly honest I love this idea. I like the fact I must earn it. This will make it so I don’t take things for granted and just expect them

Having to work hard will make it feel as if I have earned my wrights I have achieved things and Master is proud of me . I really like this idea

Although im sure this will frustrate the hell out of me during the time and when im denied simple pleasures but in the long run it will be good

slave prayer

Allow this humble girl the strength to answer the questions she cannot fathom
There will be many times you are called upon to answer questions you have never thought of. To delve deep inside yourself for the answers to places you never even thought would exist. It requires a certain amount of emotional and mental strength to do this, to look in those places that may house memories you have simple forgotten, or urges you are too afraid to admit. There is much buried deep within each of us that we don't even know is there, and at some time or another...to be completely open and honest with you Master, you will have to find these things..and bring them to the surface.

Allow this girl the spirit to know his needs
If your priority is in making him happy, oft times you will be required to anticipate his needs, remember what they were last time, prepare his coffee the way he likes..perform certain tasks in a manner that appeals to him. You need to find within yourself, the ability to do this as best as you possibly can

Allow this girl the tenderness to comfort him
this one is hard to put into words, sometimes even the strongest of Masters need a shoulder to lean on, and you ill need to be able to be comforting, and understanding, and tender. often, when the Master who needs this, is the person that you rely on for support, its hard to do this, its hard to see them as needing this. and often hard to show the tenderness needed.

Allow this girl the serenity to serve him in peace
the first thing a slave needs to understand, and comes to terms with, is who and what she is. she needs to be at total peace with the fact that she is valued property. she needs to understand the path she is embarking on and where I may lead her. she needs to know in her heart...that she is slave, that this is what she wants to be, and that this is what she chose to be. only then can she be at peace in her service to her Master

Allow this girl the love to show him myself
when you become a slave, become collared, and owned by that person, it is all of you that is owned. to hold back what is inside your heart, will not only be showing of a lack of trust, but can in many cases be dangerous. you need to be open to Him, be able to show him if you cannot tell him, exactly what is inside, how you feel, how you think, its not an easy thing to do to let someone that far into your heart, and takes a great deal of love, and caring on both parts for this to happen

Allow this girl the light to show us the way
well I struggled with this one for a long time, the light to show us the way where? my Master put it best, the light to show us the way into my heart, into those innermost recesses, into those uncharted areas that lie deep within my soul. those places that you would never dare tread alone. but only you can show the way there, only you can find it. your Master can guide you, can push you along when you need it, but you must take those steps yourself. what you cannot find within, you cannot show him, so you need to search..and this is the light and the way.

Allow this girl the wisdom to be an asset to him
when you beg a Masters collar, when you offer yourself to him, you become his property. and to be quite frank...who wants property that is a liability not an asset. when you wear that collar around your neck...it is your Masters honor you hold at stake with every move you make, every word you say. it takes the wisdom that comes with experience to be able to weigh what you will do..without even realizing you do it. eventually it comes naturally, to think before each action, if this would be found pleasing in his eyes.

let this girl be able to show each day her love of her service to Him
well, isn't this what its all about, who wants a slave who doesn't enjoy making him happy. but I suppose that's not what the problem is, the problem is showing how much you love it, especially when you are sick, or tired, or have your mind on something else, or when he kept you up till 6 in the morning tied to the bed and tormented you...but..this isn't one I can solve...its a personal thing..between you and him.

Let this girl open herself up to completely belong to him
there are many things deep inside, things that you don't even know about, that as they are uncovered will belong to him as well, remember...its everything, including your fears, loves etc. that he asks, and that you offer. opening up to this will never be an easy task, so don't let anyone fool you, its a long and hard task, and one that I personally struggle with every day, but,,,I struggle for my Master...and that makes it all worth it

Let this girl accept her punishment with the grace of a woman
no matter how much you strive to be, no one is perfect, things will happen, mistakes will be made, punishment is meant to help you learn from those mistakes. accepting your punishment with grace is simply another part of being slave, seeing it as an opportunity to better understand yourself, and correct your failings, is imperative to how pleasing you can be, no one wants a whiner..trust me. just remember, when you find that your punishment is no fun, disturbing, or painful...it was never meant to be pleasant, its supposed to deter the behavior, not encourage it.

Let this girl learn to please Him, beyond herself.
This is to take things beyond your consciousness, to not only seek to please him when he is present, or when he has given specific rules or commands, but to have his thoughts invade your own in everything you do, to question with each choice made whether this would be found pleasing or not, to have his pleasure come far before your own

Grant this girl the power to give herself to Him completely.
OK, now here's where I can start to get deep, exactly what is completely. well, to me, completely means absolutely everything, this includes, my happiness, that he may enjoy it, my love that he might find comforting it(yes, Dominants need comfort too), my fears, that he might better know me, and help me deal with them, everything, heart mind body and soul. this is his Body he allows me to use to carry out daily chores, his mind he allows me to use to think of ways to better please him, his heart he allows me to use to love him, his emotions, for he has full control of them.

Give this girl the strength to please us both.
a slave achieves her own happiness and pleasure through that of her Master, she gets pleasure in knowing that she has pleased Him, and she gets pleasure through rewards she might get for pleasing him. but, it takes strength to be able to put what you find pleasing on hold, and think of Him first, what he would like.

Permit this girl to love herself, in loving Him.
if you do not love yourself, and if you cannot do so through your love for him, then...you may seriously need to reconsider the relationship. A Master should instill in you a sense of self worth, after all, though you may make small mistakes, if you weren't over all pleasing...then he would not have you in his life. praise in a D/s relationship, is at least, if not more important than punishment, a girl needs to know when she is pleasing...as well as when she's not, and sometimes its hard to figure this out for ourselves, but those words, or that actions, be it as simple as a smile...can tell us

For it is this humble girls greatest wish, this ones highest power, to make His life. as he has made hers
this is it, this is the main thing, the desire to be everything to him, the desire to make him happy, that you might find happiness as well, its a two way street, D/s simple doesn't exist without both halves, the eternal circle, it HAS to be there...you empower Him, but offering your submission, he in turns sets you free within that submission, under his guidance, and His love, you can blossom, but the desire to be pleasing..MUST be there

Master is a pooh head

One thing I hate more than anything is being naked that’s why I try my best to Make Master cute little outfits so he dose not request me to be nude when he gets home

I don’t like being naked for I feel very vulnerable when im naked and to be honest im a bit ashamed of my body I do not believe I look to good  en so being naked is hard

For some reason Master has been making me be naked when at home and he wont even let me ware panties hes such a bully

Today I texted him asking what I should be warring when he comes home for I ask him every day  he testes me back I want you naked …..he’s so mean lol so I reply I hate you Master lol and to make it worse he replies


Fine I want you naked and holding me a beer  (such a pooh head )

starting over

Master has asked that we star from scratch the best we can since I messed up so that’s what wee are trying to do. I must start like I did before and earn his trust but this time I’m afraid it wont be as easy as before  but that’s ok I’m just Happy Master has given me a second chance

Most Slaves don’t get gifted with second chances and get released for things not as serious as I did and the fact that Master has given me a second chance makes me a proud slave the fact that he has the faith in me to fix the error of mine makes me truly happy

thank you for loving me Master and letting me start over

my expectations

some say that slaves are not suposed to have any expectations

I spend a lot of time thinking and talking about what’s expected OF me, being owned and all… But I’m not going to talk about what he expects of me here…

I’m going to be talking about what I expect.

“Nothing” would be a giant lie, in case you were wondering.

I think I have two kinds of expectations.  Little ones and big ones.  The little ones need a post of their own, because they make me think, and some of them aren’t so much “little” as they are “fluid” (or temporary, or something… See?  Thinking.)  The big ones look something like this…

    * As his property, I expect to be taken care of and protected, skillfully.
    * As his pet, I expect my basic needs to be provided for, always.
    * As his slave, I expect to be reminded of my place, mentally and physically.
    * As his woman, I expect to be loved, exclusively.

hey there ...this is me

Hello there I’m Trinity and I’m a Gorean owned and collard slave to my Master. I have been with him for just a short while and have learned so much from him. If you did not already know this then you did not read my profile “naughty, naughty”

I think I should make a bit of a disclaimer for everyone like (if your thinking this is a blog of a perfect slave that makes no mistakes you should look else ware) (or that if your one of those who believe you cant be involved with BDSM and be Gorean than you might want to leave )

Anyways I have been given permission to keep this blog by Master and I will be doing so regularly. I will be writing about my journey. Lessons faults ,punishments and corrections and funny times.. In a way this will be my journal that I wish to share with the world

I hope that any that follow my Blog will be able to learn something from it or at least have a good laugh and I will be very glad if it is at all useful in your journey into the lifestyle be it D/s or M/s

Well I must go know that’s all I have to say lol these first ones have got to be the hardest to write about for you never truly know what to talk about

Well anyways this is me in a small tiny nutshell