favorite quote

Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater.Nicholas Evans


To me that quote means to go the distance and to never give up no matter what

slinkies

7 things

Master has asked me to pick 7 things that I believe describe me and to write about why I chose them
So this is it

“black rose bud” to me a black rose symbolizes death something no one ever wants , something that was looked down upon and never wanted , something that is dark and mysterious but if it was given the chance it could bloom into something beautiful and powerful

“Slave” it is just who I am. I get great joy I’m being a slave to my Master it is like my destiny, I am a submissive slave I surrender my freewill to the one I chose as Master

“Strong willed woman” I know what I want and I know how to obtain it. To me my submission makes me extremely strong willed and personally I believe more then most woman are. For I personally believe It takes great strength to give away everything I have and could be to another and have the faith that he will not use me or abuse me in the way I do not want


“Mother” I am a mom and I love my son more then life its self and I always strive to do what best for him even if it means making the hardest decisions in life I still make them because I love him

“I’m a Bitch” I am extremely hard to handle and very stubborn and I don’t back down and I’m very protective when I need to be and I can become a royal bitch if anything threatens my family

“Mentally special” I do not really see myself as having a disability I see my self as being special and unique I have something no one else has and I see it more so as a gift then a disability

“I’m his” I belong to him every part of me even the bad and ugly it still makes me his, my soul, heart, mind and body are his to do with as he pleases. I am special and with in my service to him I am his most precious possession I believe I am irreplaceable to him. I am his lover, his best friend, his student, his slave. So in the end I am His



I know that there is many different ways I could describe my self but this is the best way I can yes I know I could say im dominant, hard willed, stubborn, smart, cheeky, slutty, dumb and so many more but the ones that describe me the best are those that are above and I think that’s what really makes me Me and who I am

im going to murder Master and his cat

OOO its frustrating me....Master is trying to teach me to clean his way and its feels like its so much more time consuming lmao

hes a boob oh and i want to know ware his damn cat learned to pee in our sinks instead of going outside cause its cold...the cats a damn pussy, but than again it could be worse he could be peeing on my cloths and floor lol

loving Master

Trust is something i have always struggled with and i have never before been able to give my full trust to anyone. All my life i have always expected the worst and never ever put complete faith into anyone for fear that they would hurt me

i have always thought that people have alliterative motives to being kind and nice and what not but i have to say for the first time that has changed

for the last year i have said i trusted Master but in all honesty i have always been expecting the worst to happen but it has not , in the last little bit i have not been having the feeling that he is hiding anything and that he is true

and since i have stopped worrying about the things that could happen and been just worrying about the know i have to say im completely happy.

I have everything i want and i love him and trust him almost 100% every day the amount i trust him is raising and raising

i feel as if this is a new beginning with us and im so happy and these feelings i feel are the most amazing in the world

I love you Master and I'm so happy to be yours for ever and always, thank you for being everything you areL

Master book

Master has been working on a book the last little bit. He got the idea from Master Kuma to make a book with all his ideas towards being a Master and i personally think its a good idea

i think its cute sitting here watching him wright in it and make it all perfect he eve n dose little drawings of it and what not

i like to sit around him well hes writing in it most times that way i get to see some of his ideas because i'm not allowed to look at the book on my own for Master dose put stuff in there im not allowed to see and for if i looked threw it i would see all his play ideas and that would ruin it for us....well more so me

it would kill the excitement sand the feeling of not knowing and that would make it so it was not any fun

so in conclusion i like the book idea

love and hate pain

Love and hate

I think I hate pain no I know I do its horrible and it dose not feel good but I do not understand why I crave it so much

Its like I kind of go of the deep end if I have not had any sort of impact play I seem to lose my mind space and I don’t feel very submissive and the fact I don’t feel submissive makes me feel angry. When im angry and lose my submissive mind frame its not good


When I lose my mind frame I start misbehaving and not doing as im told and I start to forget to apply to the few protocols and rituals we do have and I start lacking on my everyday house work which in turn gets me into trouble which is not good

So today I was reading blogs and I came across a blog about Maintenance spanking and what the benefits of it is and what good it will do for me and in reality I think it has good points it will help to keep me focused, to help avoid Punishment spankings, to keep Us connected as Master and slave

So in conclusion I think I will address this with Master and see what he thinks of maintenance spankings, canings. whippings or floggings lol

Anything that will hurt lol

tears

For me i have always had a hard time crying i have always seen it as weak and thats one thing i never wish to be . I have been with Master and when we first got together i was not able to cry in front of him although now that i have formed a lot of trust with him i am finally able to cry

although i don't believe i can cry on my own yet I'm sure there will be a time that Master will have made me grow enough to do so but for know i need to be made to cry i like for him to be mean on occasions just so he can make me break and cry...i feel better after and i feel a terrific release of negative emotions when I'm made to cry

i also think i get a lot more out of it when im forced to cry but thats just me

pain release

Pain for me is a need something I don’t think im yet able to go with out I find that sometimes when I have nightmares I sometimes have a hard time of letting it go and letting the emotions go so sometimes ill ask Master for a spanking to help me with this need and he usually helps out to the best of his ability

I do have to say its not the best way to get over the dreams but its a lot better than the alternatives and with this its always safe for Master is the one in charge of it he knows my own limits better than my self

The reasons I need this is that many of my dreams feel so real and they make me a bit ashamed and its like I need to be punished for it to be forgiven

Maybe I’m just weird I dono but at least Master loves me for my weirdness

pain tolerence

I have noticed my pain tolerance is going down and it kind of bothers me before i got with Master i was with another who was a complete sadist ware as Master is not and i don't know i kind of wish i had more impact play

i crave for it to build up and get more intense and severe and to leave marks

i find that even tho i take as much pain as i possibly think i can i still at times don't feel its enough for there are no marks and i feel i have failed and that i have not done well enough

some times i wish Master would just be bean and beat me till im a blubbering mess and then take me in his arms and tell me that he loved me and was proud of me for taking that but i find that lately i just kind of feel bad

which is in return making it so i try to ether avoid it completely or that i try to get myself into trouble so he will actually lose his cool and actually leave ugly looking marks....but so far not so much


baaa sometimes my need for masochism sucks

Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes in there lifetime and to me all that matters is about how you recover from them. In our lifetime there is always a lot of mistakes we make and I believe it is important to make those mistakes for with out them we don’t learn

I myself have made my fare share of them and I’m sure that I will make a ton more in my life but the important part is I always jump back up and move forward

I just sometimes wish I could apologise for some of the mistakes I have made and make emends to the people I have hurt. Every one makes mistakes and those mistakes shape us into the people we are even though they hurt the ones around us

Right know I am having an issue with remembering some of the things I have done and for them I feel great horrible shame and regret and evry day that I live know I try to live to the best of my abilities, I know that wont make up for the things I have done but it will make it so my future is a hole lot brighter

v-day

Today was the first v-day I have ever enjoyed and it was thanks to my Master, he was so sweet when he came in today he brought a heart chocolate in with him it was really sweet of him…I really did not think he was going to do anything. I did not even think he would celebrate ii do have to t with his religion and all. But it was sweet non the less

Later in the evening Master decided to try a new tie on me and I enjoyed it a lot and then I fooled around with the camera and got some funny pictures of Master which im going to post and he will probably beat my ass for it when he sees it but its sooo worth it

oh so sereal

Hehe

i think he looks cute lmao
Anyways im going to post pictures of our tie and what not

PTSD

I went to the psychologist yesterday and Master is quite proud of how well I did yesterday and I’m actually surprised as well. I went into the office really worried and what not and scared shitless of what would be discovered in there but it was not as bad as I thought it would be

I went in there expecting the worst and was presently surprised with the results that I received and the way the doctor is going to treat my issues

He has decided that the main part he is worried about is my PTSD and that he wants to tackle that head on he believes if we get threw that issue that a lot of my other issues will become a lot easier to handle.

I went in there not wanting to be put on any meds for my issues and when I told the doctor that I was quite surprised with him…..he clamed he did not believe in giving medications to often and had no want to force me to but he suggested that I take one bit of medications to help me cope with my PTSD and that was it

I decided I preferred not to take the meds so I left with out it and I’m still quite happy with that fact . I’m not sure if I’m going to keep that decision but for know its good

ewww Master is rubbing of on me

It drives me absolutely bonkers when Master decides that it's time for meanie sadist time and traps me on the bed and makes me squeal over utterly grotesque crap! Like sticking his tongue in my ears and saying absolutely weird things and tickling me in places that should not be tickled!


Yet at the same time though, it's absolutely adorable. So it's one of those love-hate things. I love him for how absolutely weird and silly he is, and how he can be himself around me I just hate being the subject of his absolutely odd tortures! And even THAT'S not totally true, I love the way Master plays with me and I play back with him in the same matter and giggle and poke and prod like him


Ewww he’s rubbing of on me

disapline

I find that the topic of punishment has a bit of a knee-jerk reaction and personally i do not see why....i see all the Masters/slaves putting there noses in the air when punishment is brought up and it confuses me for i believe correction, punishment and discipline is all the same

for is discipline not for displeasing your Master and do you not get some sort of infraction for it be it just a verbal warning or a physical one...dose that not sound like a punishment to you? It sure dose to me

or correction for that matter is that not for doing something wrong, for not doing a task correct? And if you asked me that has a type of repercussion for it as well...they correct you and the behavior in some way be it by showing you, you having to do it over and over again...sounds like a punishment to me

so in the end i believe that all three things mean the exact thing ...punishment, discipline, correction meant the same thing

earning rights

Master has decided I must earn everything know for example like in the gor books a slave must earn her right to ware a casmik ware as Master has done the same thing to me. I must earn the right to ware cloths

I must earn the right to sleep in his bed, to eat on dishes, to use the bathroom., to be able to cum or even play with him and to be perfectly honest I love this idea. I like the fact I must earn it. This will make it so I don’t take things for granted and just expect them

Having to work hard will make it feel as if I have earned my wrights I have achieved things and Master is proud of me . I really like this idea

Although im sure this will frustrate the hell out of me during the time and when im denied simple pleasures but in the long run it will be good

slave prayer

Allow this humble girl the strength to answer the questions she cannot fathom
There will be many times you are called upon to answer questions you have never thought of. To delve deep inside yourself for the answers to places you never even thought would exist. It requires a certain amount of emotional and mental strength to do this, to look in those places that may house memories you have simple forgotten, or urges you are too afraid to admit. There is much buried deep within each of us that we don't even know is there, and at some time or another...to be completely open and honest with you Master, you will have to find these things..and bring them to the surface.

Allow this girl the spirit to know his needs
If your priority is in making him happy, oft times you will be required to anticipate his needs, remember what they were last time, prepare his coffee the way he likes..perform certain tasks in a manner that appeals to him. You need to find within yourself, the ability to do this as best as you possibly can

Allow this girl the tenderness to comfort him
this one is hard to put into words, sometimes even the strongest of Masters need a shoulder to lean on, and you ill need to be able to be comforting, and understanding, and tender. often, when the Master who needs this, is the person that you rely on for support, its hard to do this, its hard to see them as needing this. and often hard to show the tenderness needed.

Allow this girl the serenity to serve him in peace
the first thing a slave needs to understand, and comes to terms with, is who and what she is. she needs to be at total peace with the fact that she is valued property. she needs to understand the path she is embarking on and where I may lead her. she needs to know in her heart...that she is slave, that this is what she wants to be, and that this is what she chose to be. only then can she be at peace in her service to her Master

Allow this girl the love to show him myself
when you become a slave, become collared, and owned by that person, it is all of you that is owned. to hold back what is inside your heart, will not only be showing of a lack of trust, but can in many cases be dangerous. you need to be open to Him, be able to show him if you cannot tell him, exactly what is inside, how you feel, how you think, its not an easy thing to do to let someone that far into your heart, and takes a great deal of love, and caring on both parts for this to happen

Allow this girl the light to show us the way
well I struggled with this one for a long time, the light to show us the way where? my Master put it best, the light to show us the way into my heart, into those innermost recesses, into those uncharted areas that lie deep within my soul. those places that you would never dare tread alone. but only you can show the way there, only you can find it. your Master can guide you, can push you along when you need it, but you must take those steps yourself. what you cannot find within, you cannot show him, so you need to search..and this is the light and the way.

Allow this girl the wisdom to be an asset to him
when you beg a Masters collar, when you offer yourself to him, you become his property. and to be quite frank...who wants property that is a liability not an asset. when you wear that collar around your neck...it is your Masters honor you hold at stake with every move you make, every word you say. it takes the wisdom that comes with experience to be able to weigh what you will do..without even realizing you do it. eventually it comes naturally, to think before each action, if this would be found pleasing in his eyes.

let this girl be able to show each day her love of her service to Him
well, isn't this what its all about, who wants a slave who doesn't enjoy making him happy. but I suppose that's not what the problem is, the problem is showing how much you love it, especially when you are sick, or tired, or have your mind on something else, or when he kept you up till 6 in the morning tied to the bed and tormented you...but..this isn't one I can solve...its a personal thing..between you and him.

Let this girl open herself up to completely belong to him
there are many things deep inside, things that you don't even know about, that as they are uncovered will belong to him as well, remember...its everything, including your fears, loves etc. that he asks, and that you offer. opening up to this will never be an easy task, so don't let anyone fool you, its a long and hard task, and one that I personally struggle with every day, but,,,I struggle for my Master...and that makes it all worth it

Let this girl accept her punishment with the grace of a woman
no matter how much you strive to be, no one is perfect, things will happen, mistakes will be made, punishment is meant to help you learn from those mistakes. accepting your punishment with grace is simply another part of being slave, seeing it as an opportunity to better understand yourself, and correct your failings, is imperative to how pleasing you can be, no one wants a whiner..trust me. just remember, when you find that your punishment is no fun, disturbing, or painful...it was never meant to be pleasant, its supposed to deter the behavior, not encourage it.

Let this girl learn to please Him, beyond herself.
This is to take things beyond your consciousness, to not only seek to please him when he is present, or when he has given specific rules or commands, but to have his thoughts invade your own in everything you do, to question with each choice made whether this would be found pleasing or not, to have his pleasure come far before your own

Grant this girl the power to give herself to Him completely.
OK, now here's where I can start to get deep, exactly what is completely. well, to me, completely means absolutely everything, this includes, my happiness, that he may enjoy it, my love that he might find comforting it(yes, Dominants need comfort too), my fears, that he might better know me, and help me deal with them, everything, heart mind body and soul. this is his Body he allows me to use to carry out daily chores, his mind he allows me to use to think of ways to better please him, his heart he allows me to use to love him, his emotions, for he has full control of them.

Give this girl the strength to please us both.
a slave achieves her own happiness and pleasure through that of her Master, she gets pleasure in knowing that she has pleased Him, and she gets pleasure through rewards she might get for pleasing him. but, it takes strength to be able to put what you find pleasing on hold, and think of Him first, what he would like.

Permit this girl to love herself, in loving Him.
if you do not love yourself, and if you cannot do so through your love for him, then...you may seriously need to reconsider the relationship. A Master should instill in you a sense of self worth, after all, though you may make small mistakes, if you weren't over all pleasing...then he would not have you in his life. praise in a D/s relationship, is at least, if not more important than punishment, a girl needs to know when she is pleasing...as well as when she's not, and sometimes its hard to figure this out for ourselves, but those words, or that actions, be it as simple as a smile...can tell us

For it is this humble girls greatest wish, this ones highest power, to make His life. as he has made hers
this is it, this is the main thing, the desire to be everything to him, the desire to make him happy, that you might find happiness as well, its a two way street, D/s simple doesn't exist without both halves, the eternal circle, it HAS to be there...you empower Him, but offering your submission, he in turns sets you free within that submission, under his guidance, and His love, you can blossom, but the desire to be pleasing..MUST be there

Master is a pooh head

One thing I hate more than anything is being naked that’s why I try my best to Make Master cute little outfits so he dose not request me to be nude when he gets home

I don’t like being naked for I feel very vulnerable when im naked and to be honest im a bit ashamed of my body I do not believe I look to good  en so being naked is hard

For some reason Master has been making me be naked when at home and he wont even let me ware panties hes such a bully

Today I texted him asking what I should be warring when he comes home for I ask him every day  he testes me back I want you naked …..he’s so mean lol so I reply I hate you Master lol and to make it worse he replies


Fine I want you naked and holding me a beer  (such a pooh head )

starting over

Master has asked that we star from scratch the best we can since I messed up so that’s what wee are trying to do. I must start like I did before and earn his trust but this time I’m afraid it wont be as easy as before  but that’s ok I’m just Happy Master has given me a second chance

Most Slaves don’t get gifted with second chances and get released for things not as serious as I did and the fact that Master has given me a second chance makes me a proud slave the fact that he has the faith in me to fix the error of mine makes me truly happy

thank you for loving me Master and letting me start over

my expectations

some say that slaves are not suposed to have any expectations

I spend a lot of time thinking and talking about what’s expected OF me, being owned and all… But I’m not going to talk about what he expects of me here…

I’m going to be talking about what I expect.

“Nothing” would be a giant lie, in case you were wondering.

I think I have two kinds of expectations.  Little ones and big ones.  The little ones need a post of their own, because they make me think, and some of them aren’t so much “little” as they are “fluid” (or temporary, or something… See?  Thinking.)  The big ones look something like this…

    * As his property, I expect to be taken care of and protected, skillfully.
    * As his pet, I expect my basic needs to be provided for, always.
    * As his slave, I expect to be reminded of my place, mentally and physically.
    * As his woman, I expect to be loved, exclusively.

hey there ...this is me

Hello there I’m Trinity and I’m a Gorean owned and collard slave to my Master. I have been with him for just a short while and have learned so much from him. If you did not already know this then you did not read my profile “naughty, naughty”

I think I should make a bit of a disclaimer for everyone like (if your thinking this is a blog of a perfect slave that makes no mistakes you should look else ware) (or that if your one of those who believe you cant be involved with BDSM and be Gorean than you might want to leave )

Anyways I have been given permission to keep this blog by Master and I will be doing so regularly. I will be writing about my journey. Lessons faults ,punishments and corrections and funny times.. In a way this will be my journal that I wish to share with the world

I hope that any that follow my Blog will be able to learn something from it or at least have a good laugh and I will be very glad if it is at all useful in your journey into the lifestyle be it D/s or M/s

Well I must go know that’s all I have to say lol these first ones have got to be the hardest to write about for you never truly know what to talk about

Well anyways this is me in a small tiny nutshell