craving

Master has been training me and its been going good and i think i have been pleasing him. The issue is that i have been craving to be tested and what not. I have been craving to be put in awkward positions and what not and for my level of submission to be tested . Craving to be made to do them even if there hard and mentally challenging. The other day Master did this whole lady bits strengthening exercise with a butt-plug and what not and if i dropped it or moved my legs i would be punished. Thats the type of thing i have been craving

i hope Master will start doing that soon :D

i love him

I just wanted to tell you all that i have been extremely happy with how things have been going with Master and i . He has been training me and in the short slow progress i have seen the changes i have been making myself. I am very happy to say that i have been improving with my actions with him, and i believe its all thanks to him

I LOVE YOU MASTER

my i cock your socks :D

I have to admit i have my blond moments lol last night before Master went for a shower i started sucking his cock lol i love his smell and usually like to suck his cock when he has a lazy day at work and what not so i was doing that yesterday and he cut me off and went for his shower and i looked at him and pouted and said “i wasn't done yet” and he laughed and said i could later lol

so later in the evening Master was sitting on the bed and i basically attacked his cock with my mouth and he started moaning a little bit and goes and says are you not supposed to ask? I kinda panicked a little bit and replied you said i could cock your socks later....and he started laughing his ass of at me lol...what can i say i can be ditsy at times lol

sex well sleeping

All my life i have had a hard time with touch because of my childhood and it still affects me today but it has gotten easier since being with Master. When Master and i first got together i still felt uncomfortable with it but it has gotten a lot easier since being with Master.

In the beginning Master would never have been able to have sex with me well sleeping for it would have ended really badly in the past when i had ex bfs try it ended with me attacking them or completely breaking down

but the other day Master decided to try and i have to say it went wonderful i loved it and it felt so good...i cant wait till he dose it again

first night

Last night was the first night of staying in the living room and i hated it, it was cold, lonely and scary. I can not wait till im finally allowed back in Masters bed. I do admit that its weird and i appreciated when i crawled back into bed with him at 7 am this morning for cuddles before i went to work. God it felt good in his arms


last night when i was sleeping it was one of the most broken sleeps i have had in a long time, i woke up 3-4 times from just being uncomfortable and 2 times from nightmare flash backs . The first flashback i was quite happy for after i had just got my emotions under control Master came out to give me a hug and a kiss and told me he loved me and that kind of made it all the much easier to deal with

the second dream i was not so lucky tho i was on my own 100% for that one but i managed because of one of the alter personalities i have ended up coming out with me so i had that bit of extra support which was good...although in the beginning i thought i had failed cause i needed help but she mad me see that we are all one and we are in tiny peaces and that when just one of us is out were not whole

we just have a tiny part of us out and in order to cope with things it might be a good idea to be out with the important one thats best to handle the situation so that way its not exactilly running away its me facing it with the help of another part of me ....at least thats how i see it

as for this whole speech restriction bit i FUCKING hate it. It angers me i hate not being able to talk and say my opinion on what i think or believe...i think I'm going to end up having my ass beaten lol...i already have a meeting with the black paddle when i get of work....but than again i hope he forgets

Falure

Master has been wanting to train me but the first night he tried to make me sleep away from him I had a PTSD attack and did not know how to cope with it because for the longest time my way of copping with them has been cuddling up with him and hi holding me

Well that night I did not have him and I had a PTSD attack and crawled into bed with him after trying to cope with it on my own and failing…the next morning and a few days after Master and I discussed it and we talked about it and Master modified his training technique for me so it did not cause damage and that was 2 days ago

But during those 2 days I have been thinking more and more that I wish to really try to do this whole training bit and I am determent to do better then I did before

I want to be able to follow any and all of his orders just for the sake of obeying them and being able to just do as he says with out asking and I hope that if I’m able to complete this horribly hard task that I will be closer to my goal of doing as he says

I’m really hoping that after Master reads this that he will give me another chance to do this and that he will understand that WE are ready for his challenges and that we have decided that we will not let the fear of the past disrupt our dynamic

I hope he is not to horribly disappointed that I was not able to complete it the first time around and this time I know we will do better

Master has a mmagical penis

sex and masterbation

I absolutely love it when I ask Master permission to cum before bed and he says yes because hes to tired or just not in the mood , I love what he dose to me

When he is to tired Master will help me reach my orgasm by touching and rubbing me quite roughly the way I like it and he will sit there for as long as it takes to reach that wonder full feeling of bliss

I love the way he kisses me and bites me on the neck and goes down to my chest and bites my nipples hard enough to cause the air in my throat to catch, and for me to make a little moan of pain mixed with intense pleasure

I love it when he sits there and tells me im his little whore and asks me if im ready to cum for him and he puts his hand around my throat and squeezes just hard enough for me to lose my breath and have an earth shattering orgasm

And then he sometimes says good slave and kisses me and sends me to bed or on a good night Master will push me down to take his hard throbbing cock in my mouth and god do I love his taste and smell just that in its self makes me dripping wet and makes me prey he will tire of my mouth and actually want to take me completely and fully

To use me the way he wants even if I don’t get another release just feeling him inside me and knowing he is enjoying what I can do to him and knowing that im submitting to his will his dominance to his command

I love being his toy his slut his whore when it comes to him fucking me I can let the inner slut out and god can I be dirty at times :D and the more rough he is with me the more I submit to him and the more dominant he gets whispering “you belong to me slut” makes me almost cum im my panties, hell even thinking of him saying that makes me want to cum

Hehe just thinking of what Master dose to my body tee hee

Shrink days

I am a little nervous today cause I have another appointment with my shrink today im so afraid whats going to come out and how I will handle things today

I am very thankful Master is cutting out of work early to be there for me I really love him and I am thankful he is so supportive

Training

Maser is going to be starting actual training tonight and im nervous as hell I think I may have bitten of more then I can chew. I have been bugging Master for along time that I wanted to get better and that I wanted to be trained like a real slave….WELL I THINK I HAVE GOTTEN IT !!!!

I’m so nervous and not sure what to expect Master has gotten me to update my fetlife profile stating that I would be away for two weeks at least and would have very little computer time

Master has informed me that I will be on speech restriction 24/7 for during training and maybe longer and that I would have to earn everything from sitting on the furniture to sleeping in his bed

I know this is going to be hard but I will try my best to endure it and I will try to be allowed to go online every night so I may blog a bit about my adventure

Oh so nervous

thank god for good support

I have to say that sometimes I find that Master is my saviour for sometimes when bad things happen I am so thankful he is there for support and I am thankful that he is so good at it

Today I was supposed to get my son for about a week and it would have been the first time in a while that I would have gotten to see him but 20 minutes before we were going to leave to go pick him up the truck died and we were not able to go see him

I was devastated and could not stop crying I was so disappointed and I even started feeling like self harm but with Master around it never came to that he is just so helpful and wonderful

I just want to say I love him and I am happy to have him as my soul mate