craving

Master has been training me and its been going good and i think i have been pleasing him. The issue is that i have been craving to be tested and what not. I have been craving to be put in awkward positions and what not and for my level of submission to be tested . Craving to be made to do them even if there hard and mentally challenging. The other day Master did this whole lady bits strengthening exercise with a butt-plug and what not and if i dropped it or moved my legs i would be punished. Thats the type of thing i have been craving

i hope Master will start doing that soon :D

i love him

I just wanted to tell you all that i have been extremely happy with how things have been going with Master and i . He has been training me and in the short slow progress i have seen the changes i have been making myself. I am very happy to say that i have been improving with my actions with him, and i believe its all thanks to him

I LOVE YOU MASTER

my i cock your socks :D

I have to admit i have my blond moments lol last night before Master went for a shower i started sucking his cock lol i love his smell and usually like to suck his cock when he has a lazy day at work and what not so i was doing that yesterday and he cut me off and went for his shower and i looked at him and pouted and said “i wasn't done yet” and he laughed and said i could later lol

so later in the evening Master was sitting on the bed and i basically attacked his cock with my mouth and he started moaning a little bit and goes and says are you not supposed to ask? I kinda panicked a little bit and replied you said i could cock your socks later....and he started laughing his ass of at me lol...what can i say i can be ditsy at times lol

sex well sleeping

All my life i have had a hard time with touch because of my childhood and it still affects me today but it has gotten easier since being with Master. When Master and i first got together i still felt uncomfortable with it but it has gotten a lot easier since being with Master.

In the beginning Master would never have been able to have sex with me well sleeping for it would have ended really badly in the past when i had ex bfs try it ended with me attacking them or completely breaking down

but the other day Master decided to try and i have to say it went wonderful i loved it and it felt so good...i cant wait till he dose it again

first night

Last night was the first night of staying in the living room and i hated it, it was cold, lonely and scary. I can not wait till im finally allowed back in Masters bed. I do admit that its weird and i appreciated when i crawled back into bed with him at 7 am this morning for cuddles before i went to work. God it felt good in his arms


last night when i was sleeping it was one of the most broken sleeps i have had in a long time, i woke up 3-4 times from just being uncomfortable and 2 times from nightmare flash backs . The first flashback i was quite happy for after i had just got my emotions under control Master came out to give me a hug and a kiss and told me he loved me and that kind of made it all the much easier to deal with

the second dream i was not so lucky tho i was on my own 100% for that one but i managed because of one of the alter personalities i have ended up coming out with me so i had that bit of extra support which was good...although in the beginning i thought i had failed cause i needed help but she mad me see that we are all one and we are in tiny peaces and that when just one of us is out were not whole

we just have a tiny part of us out and in order to cope with things it might be a good idea to be out with the important one thats best to handle the situation so that way its not exactilly running away its me facing it with the help of another part of me ....at least thats how i see it

as for this whole speech restriction bit i FUCKING hate it. It angers me i hate not being able to talk and say my opinion on what i think or believe...i think I'm going to end up having my ass beaten lol...i already have a meeting with the black paddle when i get of work....but than again i hope he forgets

Falure

Master has been wanting to train me but the first night he tried to make me sleep away from him I had a PTSD attack and did not know how to cope with it because for the longest time my way of copping with them has been cuddling up with him and hi holding me

Well that night I did not have him and I had a PTSD attack and crawled into bed with him after trying to cope with it on my own and failing…the next morning and a few days after Master and I discussed it and we talked about it and Master modified his training technique for me so it did not cause damage and that was 2 days ago

But during those 2 days I have been thinking more and more that I wish to really try to do this whole training bit and I am determent to do better then I did before

I want to be able to follow any and all of his orders just for the sake of obeying them and being able to just do as he says with out asking and I hope that if I’m able to complete this horribly hard task that I will be closer to my goal of doing as he says

I’m really hoping that after Master reads this that he will give me another chance to do this and that he will understand that WE are ready for his challenges and that we have decided that we will not let the fear of the past disrupt our dynamic

I hope he is not to horribly disappointed that I was not able to complete it the first time around and this time I know we will do better

Master has a mmagical penis