failure

What is one to do when they feel like they completely and utterly failed at something that they thought they were ready to do? How dose one get over the feeling of failure.

I feel miserable and I’m not sure what to do Master says that it was out of my control and that its not my fault but i still feel it is

i feel i should have pushed myself and gone in anyways but i did not i did not even try

i feel like i should be punished and made to pay for not trying hard enough

Another assigned blog by Master.

My puppy is the light collard one the black and white one is a friend

So it took me a while to beg Master to allow me to get another puppy since we had to get rid of our two and i finally Managed to get him to say yes(although i do not believe i really gave him a choice lol. I was away for two weeks and had classes i was supposed to be taking and i ended up seeing a add on Craiglist for puppies that were free so before i even called Master to ask permission i was already on the phone with the lady finding out the details and what not.

Then after i got all the info i needed i called Master and literally begged him to give me this chance and let me get one and finally he said yes (i was so excited this was he when we first got him.

Such a little rascle



Its been almost 5-6 months since we got him and he has gotten to be so big and he is turning out to be a wonderful dog. He is very protective of me and Master which i think is a good thing

i have grown very fond of my puppy and he is a wonderful boy very affectionate and cuddly, also a bit of a bed hog, couch hog, and a floor hog lol and a cage stealer

we couldent get him to look at the camra


so that is my cute puppy Master let me ger

Master has asked me to write about what its like having a Master that i have to listen to at all times so my idea is that it makes things much easier, yet oh so difficult. The things that make it hard is the fact the i don't always think his decision is the best one, or that i think what hes asking me is totally digrodo

but there is many good things that come out of it i believe like it makes me content following orders, it makes me feel safe and secure and the feeling i get after i complete something i really did not want to do is incredible, and of course the whole bit when he says “Masters pleased” or “good girl” those are things i crave to hear. I am not 100% positive on why i crave those from besides the fact its one thing i never heard from my parents or any family member growing up

When he says those simple things it feels good and makes me want to do more things just so i can feel i did good or that he is happy with my behaviour. Also i try to do what ever he says usually so i never hear the words Master is disappointed in me or that I’m a bad girl those words in them self destroy me and make me miserable

all in all i think it is far better having a Master that is in control and that i have to listen to for it keeps me out of trouble in an tune with whats right and wrong, with out it I’m accustomed to getting into trouble or bad situations

Crying

I personally have a hard time crying and i always feel better after i do. When Master and i first got together i did not cry and i would not cry i just did not have it in me, but over the time Master has been working with me and helping me except the fact i need to cry sometimes and helps me reach that by impact play. I think that is part of the reason why i crave it so much its almost like crying is a drug for me like its a craving that i cant have all the time so i start to crave it and i cant seem to make myself cry so i am thankful i have Master to help me in that matter

Masters Control

Master likes to have control and His control is something that's important to me, I feel very off and out of sorts when he's nice and doesn't want me to do anything but sit here and do nothing or have free time . I want to feel his control over me. I lean on him for that control, it's something that i feel needs to be constant and all the time so when he backs off to give me some space and to let me rest or to cope with life issues, it drives me crazy. Absolutely bonkers lol

I know he means well, and I know he's doing what he thinks is best for me, AND he's probably even right to some extent, but it makes me cranky when I have to beg him to kiss me or shove me into a wall or even to spank me .lol some times i wish he would do it when he sees i need it

but know that i think of it , sometimes, it makes me appreciate him more, because when he steps back up after giving me some freedom for a while, it makes me clingier to him because I don't WANT that kind of freedom and i feel more content and happy with out it . Lol Maybe I’m weird heheh

Sorry everyone

I have been pretty busy in the last little bit and have not had a chance to chat much to you all so i wanted to apologize and let you all know i will be blogging more often and keeping you updated int hings that are going on and my progress and learning’s

good enough favorite song

"Good Enough"

Under your spell again.
I can't say no to you.
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
I can't breathe but I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough for you.

Drink up sweet decadence.
I can't say no to you,
And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
Can't believe that I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough.
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good.

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.
Pour real life down on me.
'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.
Am I good enough for you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me,
'cause I can't say no.