first night

Last night was the first night of staying in the living room and i hated it, it was cold, lonely and scary. I can not wait till im finally allowed back in Masters bed. I do admit that its weird and i appreciated when i crawled back into bed with him at 7 am this morning for cuddles before i went to work. God it felt good in his arms


last night when i was sleeping it was one of the most broken sleeps i have had in a long time, i woke up 3-4 times from just being uncomfortable and 2 times from nightmare flash backs . The first flashback i was quite happy for after i had just got my emotions under control Master came out to give me a hug and a kiss and told me he loved me and that kind of made it all the much easier to deal with

the second dream i was not so lucky tho i was on my own 100% for that one but i managed because of one of the alter personalities i have ended up coming out with me so i had that bit of extra support which was good...although in the beginning i thought i had failed cause i needed help but she mad me see that we are all one and we are in tiny peaces and that when just one of us is out were not whole

we just have a tiny part of us out and in order to cope with things it might be a good idea to be out with the important one thats best to handle the situation so that way its not exactilly running away its me facing it with the help of another part of me ....at least thats how i see it

as for this whole speech restriction bit i FUCKING hate it. It angers me i hate not being able to talk and say my opinion on what i think or believe...i think I'm going to end up having my ass beaten lol...i already have a meeting with the black paddle when i get of work....but than again i hope he forgets